The world seen by me

Long Time Coming

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 16:20:38 GMT

It has been a long time since I have written anything of substance in this journal. Not too much as really been going on. I have been swamped in school and work. School is actually kicking my ass big time. I don't have time for too much anymore. I really need to get back into a rountine as far as getting time to spend in the gym, with my friends, with my family. Yesterday my schedule went as follows...

530am- woke up to get ready for work

630am- arrived at work

1145am- went to my 1st class

200pm-500pm-work

530pm-730pm- class

800pm-900pm worked out

Even though I was extremely tired by the end of the night, I had one of the best work outs I have had in a long time. It was nice because the gym wasn't too busy and there was a lot of nice eye candy to keep me motivated. I have decided to pick a major muscle group and focus on it for a month. This month I am focusing on my abs....trying to do 200 crunches a day!

They are getting there...slowly but surely...I have also noticed that no place really makes clothes for small guys. So I think when I get my MBA, I am going to open a Small and Skinny store. Kind of like a Big and Tall store, but for the other side of the spectrum.

These pictures are from the Disneyland trip I took. It was such a fun time...it is nice when you go on vacation with a group of people that are interested in doing stuff and not making drama.

I hope everyone is doing well!!!

Oh and I think I am probably far behind on this but I just discovered a girl named Kina. She is an awesome singer...for those of you who haven't heard her, check out "Girl from the Gutter".

Brokeback Mountain/Forbidden Love

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 16:54:50 GMT

So I am sure there are many people who have seen Brokeback Moutain. From what people have told me...they either like it or they hated it. To see what I thought, look for it behind the cut.

I always knew that I lived in a pretty liberal town. But when I walked into the movie theatre yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised to see the theatre almost filled. And it was not filled with a lot of 'mo's but with a lot of older straight people. Actually, I sat down next to a man and his wife, they had to be in their late 50's or early 60's. I had read the short story a few months ago, it was actually recommended by someone here on LiveJournal and I had to read it a couple of times to truly understand and get the image in my head of this story. The idea I had was completely filled on screen right away. I have to say that I was surprised by the movie....which was good and bad. I was surprised at how good the acting was...I know I will probably get some kind of comment about this. The person that I was most impressed with was Michelle Williams..

She played the faithful wife to Ennis and she played it well. When I first heard that she was going to play this part, I quickly started seeing images of Jen from Dawson's Creek in my mind. I think she made sure the audience felt the pain that she was going through in this movie. I could see why she was nominated for a Golden Globe.

A friend of mine, before he saw the movie, was reluctant to see it because he said..."what is special about seeing a movie about a guy trying to hide his love for another guy?" "We live that every day." I was surprised that these words came out of said friend....the reason being is because he is still "acting" like he is straight. I know we all have our time and place to "come out" but he was acting all judgemental of the movie and finally I told him "Well maybe you can relate since it seems like they are playing your life on the movie screen." He wasn't too happy about that comment.

After watching my most favorite TV show last night, Grey's Anatomy, Meredith said something at the end of the movie that is very true..."The truth about truth is that it hurts, so you lie." And that is what these two men did....the truth hurt them so much that they had to lie about their lives. Though I think Ennis was more afraid than Jack was.

So the question is...who has ever had a forbidden love? I am sure everyone has...it does hurt when you cannot love this person out loud. Love like that hurts and the truth may hurt other people or yourself so you lie.

Finding Neverland

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 21:09:27 GMT

I wish I could just quit him like he quit me. When you get hurt and try to move on, the hardest thing is to forget the things he said, the way he looked into you eyes and told you he wanted to spend endless nights with you. How when we first met, he told me that he had never met anyone like me. How he told he I was beautiful and how he wanted to kiss me forever.

At times I wish I could be Peter Pan and fly to Neverland. Never have to worry about growing old or leaving that place you remembered as being happy. The other day I watched the movie Finding Neverland for the first time. I have to say, I wish I would have watched it before. It was a great movie. I would have to say it is right up there on my favorite movies list. I never thought Johnny Depp was a good actor until I saw this movie. He can play such different roles and makes you believe he is that person. I absolutely love KateWinslet. If I was a straight boy, she would be the girl that I would want. She is so sexy and has a natural beauty about her.

So instead of flying off to Neverland, I will try to forget the broken pieces of that relationship. Try to tell myself that I can miss what I never really had in the first place because I don't think he ever really ever gave me everything he was. There was always something hidden. I remember feeling that when I first met him but I think I lived on that mystery thinking it was something exciting that would make the relationship grow. Everything happens for a reason.

For those of you who haven't seen this movie, I recommend watching it. It was a great movie. And for those who sometimes get emotional during movies, remember to bring the kleenex!

The Wedding (Pictures)

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 19:29:18 GMT

Well here are some of the pictures that we took that night. Man it was so much fun!

This is a picture of the groomsmen and the ushers.

This is Stu (otherwise known as Michael) and myself

Tina, Stu, Myself and Stu's son Logan. Listening to a reading. Yes I performed their wedding. It was great...I got it on the internet and it is completely legal!

The Beautiful Wedding party after the ceremony. Doesn't everyone look great! Such a great and memorable day.

The Wedding

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 17:52:37 GMT

This weekend I had the pleasure of participating in the wedding of my best friend Tina. What a great time it was. Tina and her fiancee (now husband) Stu asked me 6 months ago to officiate their wedding. So Tina and I got on the internet and found a place that would ordain people to perform weddings.(kind of reminds me of "friends" when Joey got ordained online to do Monica and Chandler's wedding) I filled out the application and paid the fee and was ordained to marry my best friend and her groom. And yes, we made sure that it was all legal with the county and the state of Arizona. It was such a good time. I was a little nervous to speak in front of 200 guests but it all went well and I didn't mess up, except for one time. I told the guest to stand for the coming of the bride and I forgot to tell them to sit back down. One of the brides-maid had to tell me to have them sit. I forgot we weren't at a Catholic wedding where you sit, then stand, then sit, then stand then kneel. I will place pictures tomorrow. They came out really good.

My friends and I both stood in line to catch the garder and the bouqet. Neither one of us got either one but it was fun. The bride and groom had a "money" dance where we got to dance with both of them. They were trying to see which one would get more money and the person that got more money wouldn't have to wash dishes for a month. At the end of the 3 songs, the both ended up with $213 dollars. What is the likelyhood they would get the same amount of money? I had never been to a wedding where two of my friends were getting married. It was great, and special to be a part of such a memorable day.

Vegas, Big Brother and Disneyland

Wed, 14 Sep 2005 16:50:02 GMT

Wow, it has been a really busy couple of weeks. There is a lot to talk about and mention....where do I begin? I will begin with Las Vegas...I am putting this under a cut because I will later talk about Big Brother and will be cautious of who has not seen last nights episode.

So over Labor Day, a group of friends went to Las Vegas for my best friend Tina's bachelorette party.....a lot of fun and out of control most nights!

"Tina and I standing outside of New York, New York"....that night we stayed out until 630am. Needless to say, we were way too drunk but were having the times of our lives. Vegas was a lot more fun than I thought it was going to be. The people were friendly and the music was great. It was a great way to spend a long weekend.

"Jen, Tina and I dancing at Studio 54" I was pleasantly surprised with Studio 54. I had heard a lot of good and bad things about it. We danced until 5am that night. I was getting a lot of "pissed" off looks from guys because I was dancing with my girls. Of course they either had to realize that I was with one of them or I was in fact their gay friend.

"The last night, as the group lessened to 7. We were at Krave, the new gay bar next to the Aladdin." This was a great bar/club. We did the VIP thing that night. We got out own booth, a bottle of Belvedere Vodka and all the mixers we wanted, plus our own waiter. Damn he was hot, I wish I had taken a picture of him but he only remains in my memory...HAHA

"Some of the group waiting outside of the Rio" That night we ate and danced at the Rio. The VooDoo Lounge was a great place to hangout and have drinks and listen to good music. I believe it is on the 54th floor of the Rio and it over looks the strip. It was a ton of fun. Later we went to Ra at the Luxor....the biggest dissappointment of the whole trip.

All in all we had a drama-free weekend, which is rare when you have such a big group. Tina get married in little over 2 weeks and we all have already said we are going back to Vegas next year for our annual Labor Day trip.

Monday I just got back from Disneyland. That was fun too. I had not been to Disneyland in such a long time. It amazes me how much it has changed over the years. We stayed at the Paradise Pier, which is one of the newest Disneyland hotels. It was very nice. The parks were not too crowded and I was happy I went. I didn't think I would have a good time but I did. It is always good to be a kid sometimes and not worry about your adult problems. We also ventured out to West Hollywood. The first time I had ever been toWest Hollywood. It was an experience, I think I will leave it at that. Fun times with a lot of beautiful people.

Now on to Big Brother. I love that show. I have watched every season except for season 1. And since I got TiVo, I have not missed an episode this year. This whole season I have been rooting for the under-dog, Janelle. I love her! She is competitive, strong, beautiful and smart. I love how all the grils are jealous and intimidated of her. I was so happy when she won HOH last week. It secured her in the final 3. I am so tired of April and Ivette crying and whining over everything. April, a couple of episodes ago complained about how the American public must be stupid for giving Janelle a phone call from ex-houseguest Michael. We are not stupid April, we are just tired of you and Ivette complaining about not getting anything. Ivette, the latin lesbian is getting on my last nerve. She is forever crying about hating Janelle and crying about her family. She is a greedy bitch. She says how she needs to win the money for her family. I think that is all bullshit. She want to win the money for herself. She is jealous of Janelle and turned almost everyone in her "friendship" alliance against her. I was mad when she won the POV and secured herself in the final 3. I do not think she deserves to win the money. Out of the final 3, I want Janelle to win, if not her than Maggie. Even though I didn't like Maggie in the very beginning, she has grown on me a bit. My good luck thoughts go out to Janie....I hope you can pull it out and win it!!!!

Another One

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 15:13:53 GMT

starryknight628 , he is cute and always has good stuff...

1. My Sharona, The Knack
2. Bad Girls, Donna Summer
3. Le Freak, Chic
4. Da Ya Think I'm Sexy, Rod Stewart
5. Reunited, Peaches and Herb
6. I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor
7. Hot Stuff, Donna Summer
8. Y.M.C.A., Village People
9. Ring My Bell, Anita Ward
10. Sad Eyes, Robert John
11. Too Much Heaven, Bee Gees
12. MacArthur Park, Donna Summer
13. When You're In Love With A Beautiful Woman, Dr. Hook
14. Makin' It, David Naughton
15. Fire, Pointer Sisters
16. Tragedy, Bee Gees
17. A Little More Love, Olivia Newton-John
18. Heart Of Glass, Blondie
19. What A Fool Believes, Doobie Brothers
20. Good Times, Chic
21. You Don't Bring Me Flowers, Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond
22. Knock On Wood, Amii Stewart
23. Stumblin' In, Suzi Quatro and Chris Norman
24. Lead Me On, Maxine Nightingale
25. Shake Your Body, Jacksons
26. Don't Cry Out Loud, Melissa Manchester
27. The Logical Song, Supertramp
28. My Life, Billy Joel
29. Just When I Needed You Most, Randy Vanwarmer
30. You Can't Change That, Raydio
31. Shake Your Groove Thing, Peaches and Herb
32. I'll Never Love This Way Again, Dionne Warwick
33. Love You Inside Out, Bee Gees
34. I Want You To Want Me, Cheap Trick
35. The Main Event (Fight), Barbra Streisand
36. Mama Can't Buy You Love, Elton John
37. I Was Made For Dancin', Leif Garrett
38. After The Love Has Gone, Earth, Wind and Fire
39. Heaven Knows, Donna Summer and Brooklyn Dreams
40. The Gambler, Kenny Rogers
41. Lotta Love, Nicolette Larson
42. Lady, Little River Band
43. Heaven Must Have Sent You, Bonnie Pointer
44. Hold The Line, Toto
45. He's The Greatest Dancer, Sister Sledge
46. Sharing The Night Together, Dr. Hook
47. She Believes In Me, Kenny Rogers
48. In The Navy, Village People
49. Music Box Dancer, Frank Mills
50. The Devil Went Down To Georgia, Charlie Daniels Band
51. Gold, John Stewart
52. Goodnight Tonight, Wings
53. We Are Family, Sister Sledge
54. Rock 'N' Roll Fantasy, Bad Company
55. Every 1's A Winner, Hot Chocolate
56. Take Me Home, Cher
57. Boogie Wonderland, Earth, Wind and Fire
58. (Our Love) Don't Throw It All Away, Andy Gibb
59. What You Won't Do For Love, Bobby Caldwell
60. New York Groove, Ace Frehley
61. Sultans Of Swing, Dire Straits
62. I Want Your Love, Chic
63. Chuck E's In Love, Rickie Lee Jones
64. I Love The Night Life, Alicia Bridges
65. Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now, McFadden and Whitehead
66. Lonesome Loser, Little River Band
67. Renegade, Styx
68. Love Is The Answer, England Dan and John Ford Coley
69. Got To Be Real, Cheryl Lynn
70. Born To Be Alive, Patrick Hernandez
71. Shine A Little Love, Electric Light Orchestra
72. I Just Fall In Love Again, Anne Murray
73. Shake It, Ian Matthews
74. I Was Made For Lovin' You, Kiss
75. I Just Wanna Stop, Gino Vannelli
76. Disco Nights, G.Q.
77. Ooh Baby Baby, Linda Ronstadt
78. September, Earth, Wind and Fire
79. Time Passages, Al Stewart
80. Rise, Herb Alpert
81. Don't Bring Me Down, Electric Light Orchestra
82. Promises, Eric Clapton
83. Get Used To It, Roger Voudouris
84. How Much I Feel, Ambrosia
85. Suspicions, Eddie Rabbitt
86. You Take My Breath Away, Rex Smith
87. How You Gonna See Me Now, Alice Cooper
88. Double Vision, Foreigner
89. Every Time I Think Of You, Babys
90. I Got My Mind Made Up, Instant Funk
91. Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough, Michael Jackson
92. Bad Case Of Lovin' You, Robert Palmer
93. Somewhere In The Night, Barry Manilow
94. We've Got Tonite, Bob Seger and The Silver Bullet Band
95. Dance The Night Away, Van Halen
96. Dancing Shoes, Nigel Olsson
97. The Boss, Diana Ross
98. Sail On, Commodores
99. I Do Love You, G.Q.
100. Strange Way, Firefall

I cannot believe how many good songs were in the top 100 the year I was born. The music gods had to shine its gay light on this boy because with artists like Cher, Donna Summer, Dionne Warwick, Anita Ward and Gloria Gaynor, how could I not be gay. That was very fun to see...thanks again starryknight628 .

Just When the Memory Leaves

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 18:03:05 GMT

AH, what a broken heart can do. Just when you think you are over the thought of somone...a memory comes flooding back and there you are, in the same place, in that same situation that you told yourself you never would be in again. Has anyone seen the movie Swingers? I absolutely love that movie because it is so true on so many levels. When you start caring deeply for someone and the relationship end for whatever reason, one person gets over it easier than the other. And once that other person starts to feel whole again, WHAM, the other person starts calling, IM'ing or emailing. And all of a sudden they forget why they broke your heart in the first place.

I am at that crossroads in my life. Just when I thought I was getting my life back together....here he comes trying to win his place back into my heart. Does he forget why he broke my heart? He was one of those guys that said all things this hopeless romantic wanted to hear. Our first kiss was magical. Standing outside of a busy building, not a care in the world, breaking down all walls I have put up because I thought he was the "one". After he stomped on my heart and left me outside in the rain crying, he didn't even call or talk to me for a few months. When I would see him out, it was like I never existed. Then all the insecurities come back and all of a sudden you are back in jr. high waiting for someone to not pick you last for a game of dodgeball.

My girl Faith Hill's new album has a great song on it that kind of sums it all up....

I swear you looked right through me, but I'm still living with your goodbye

And you're just going on with your life

How can you just walk on by, without one tear in your eye

Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me

Maybe thats your way of dealing with the pain

Fogetting everything between our rise and fall

Like we never loved at all

So now that I say my final goodbye to him...he will never be able to crawl back into my life. And when he told me that he "can't live without me" I just said..."I am sure you will find someone to help you deal with the pain." And with that, I hungup the phone and never looked back!

High Maintenance?

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 16:33:48 GMT

I was reading through my friends list yesterday and ran across a picture someone took of all of their beauty products. At first glance I thought it was a lot but then I went home and took inventory of all of my Product and realized that I probably have just as much as he does if not more. My friends have always called me a "product-whore" and I live up to that title with as much grace and style as I can. I think a lot of it has to do with working around beauty products and skincare for the last 5 years. I have worked for Victoria Secret Beauty, Bath and Body Works and Lancome Cosmetics. It's only natural that I have a ton of stuff to cleanse, tone, moisturize and exfoliate. I still do a lot of free-lance work for Lancome and one day, as soon as I complete my masters degree, would love to work for their corporate offices in New York. How many people out there do a night and day routine? I actually do a day routine and sometimes slack off on the night rountine.

I know this is probably boring a lot of people but its my journal so I can write whatever I want. I actually do think that all the stuff I use work. Or maybe its my skin getting used to it all and freaks out whenever I do not use it on a daily basis. I do recommend using a good cleanser and a good mositurizer. Those two basic things will make your skin look good. If you are as committed as some people are then you can get into the toner, eye cream, target solutions and stuff like masks and exfoliators. If anyone needs any good recommendations, please let me know. Working in a cosmetic area, I know a lot about different cosmetic lines and know what skincare is good and which to stay away from.

Stay Clean!
D

The Return of Camp Ho

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 15:51:51 GMT

This weekend, some friends and I went to Lake Roosevelt to go jet skiing and water skiing. I am the first person to say no when it comes to camping unless it is in a cabin with running water and flushable toilets. I was told that the camping grounds we were staying at had running showers and flushable toilets. Ah, but to my dismay they didn't have running toilets but a group of port-o-lets, which I cannot stand. But they did have running showers if you wanted to share them with crickets and spiders. All in all the experience was alright, it was a but hot the last night we were there...nothing like stagnet air with no wind when you have no A/C. Being on the water was fun. I tried water skiing for the first time and I actualy got up on the water on the second try. It sure does make you tired though. But it was very fun.

I bet all the campers around us knew we were a bunch of gay boys. Besides the fact that we had these small rainbow pinwheels hanging under our ramada and we had tons of good food and beer. One afternoon we came back from the water to find the rainbow pinwheels on the floor under the table. Not sure if it was some anti-gay camper making a statement or just the wind. I would like to think it was the latter. Next year if we go again, I am voting for a cabin in the woods during winter so we can snow ski.

Daniel Isn't

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 21:58:45 GMT

Directions: Type "(your name) isn't" with the quotes, into a Google search then pick out your favorite 7 responses. Copy, then repost your responses:

1. Daniel isn't some virginal wuss who can't fight or stick up for himself.

2. Daniel isn't getting any from her.

3. Daniel isn't reduced to soul-shattering fear

4. Daniel isn't edgy and anxious anymore.

5. Daniel isn't satisfied.

6. Daniel isn't afraid to slow things down in the effort to create a more atmospheric vibe.

7. Daniel isn't as heartless as we always thought.

Sad Post

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 16:39:18 GMT

This post is to vent out some emotions related to this day...no need to read it if you do not want to...just a say for me to release some emotions..thanks...

This day has always been an emotional day for me because 15 years ago, my 7 year old cousin was hit by a car and killed. I was only 9 at the time, 2 years her elder. We all were inseperable....and it hit all of us hard. The really hard thing was that a week earlier my grandfather passsed away. I know 15 years should have healed a lot of the wounds and many of the wounds have healed but it still hurts in a way that I cannot even explain.

At 9 years old, you really do not understand what happens so for the most part, you repress the memories and forget about it until one day when you are older, all the memories come back and you are forced to deal with it. I have never been good at expressing my emotions....I just go into a dark corner by myself and cry until I cannot cry anymore and then come back out with a smile on my face so no one knows I am weak. I know this post sounds like a pitty party and I will probably delete it after I realize how stupid it sounds but I just needed to let my emotions for this day out somehow.

"Here is to a beautiful girl that would have been 22 on December 21, 2005. Her life cut too short by an accident that nobody understands. Remember the good times and all the smiles, leave behind the pain if only for a moment and reflect on a life that was lived to make everyone happy."

To Man-Scape or not to Man-Scape

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 16:44:25 GMT

The other day I was talking to one of my co-workers,she is a newly-single divorcee and was asking me question on what "guys" are looking for in women these days. Of course she quickly remembered that I am a gay boy and asked me what I find important in a guy when I go on a first date.

Of course appearance is very important. The way they are dressed for the occassion and if they look like they actually take showers. I am a hopeless romantic so I like doors to be opened, and I will open doors for my dates as well. As for first dates, I don't like going to noisy, crowded clubs because then you can't get to know the person and talk. What do you find important about first dates? Are there any signals that tell you right away that there will be a second date?

Then if the dates go on from there and things eventually lead to sex, she asked me what I find important in bed. One of the first things that popped into my brain is...the guy has to be "clean" and at least trimmed. She started laughing when I told her that it is polite for the guy to have man-scaped before. She thought this idea was weird, so I just brushed it off as her being a straight woman. But then I started asking some of my gay friends and I was amazed at how many people do not keep it trimmed. I am semi-naturally smooth myself but there are certain areas that I like to keep trimmed. I do it for myself as well as for people that might potentially see me naked. So any question...is it rare now to find guys who actually keep things trimmed? And how important is it in sealing the deal if you notice the guy doesn't do regular maintenance? Maybe I am weird in finding that important but I think it is important. I am not saying it is important to be completely shaven, because I find a little hair very sexy but I don't want to be with someone who is bushy and you can't even see what you want to see. I just thought it would be interesting to see what some of my lj friends think and say!

Good Friends and Good Times

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 22:05:43 GMT

The good times are always with good friends celebrating a great occassion. It was recently my friend Andrea's 21st birthday and it was another excuse to celebrate and drink, during the middle of the week, on a work night!

(Left to Right: Sarah, Me, Benny, Andrea, Jen and David)

Needless to say after 5 shots and a few drinks, Andrea celebrated her 21st in pure drunken style. Forget that fact that she had to board a plane early the next day to fly to celebrate more in Las Vegas. Since Benny and I both attended bartending school, she made sure Andrea had a lot of drinks and shots to enjoy.....As did I...I remember doing at least 3 shots that night and having a few drinks. Thank god for sober roommates that answer your drunken calls. So....HAPPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREA....you damn little whore! :)

Tagged yet again....

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 16:21:43 GMT

Tagged by: kozmickris

-THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
- Daniel (real name)
- Danny

- D

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
-Attraction_lca
-uacatsfan22

-Dwe119

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
-hair
-penis
-skin

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
-chicken legs
-arms
-hands

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
-spanish
-swedish
-british

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
-losing my mind
-not being able to be heard
-heights

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
-food
-sleep
-does masturbating count?

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
-khaki pants
-boxer briefs
-watch

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
-Kelly Clarkson
-Jamie Cullum
-SheDasiy

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
Hear Me- Kelly Clarkson                                                                                                                                                                                     She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5                                                                                                                                                                           Meant to Live- Switchfoot

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
-unconditional love                                                                                                                                                                                                 -romance
-amazing sex

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
-I am a label whore
-my favorite food is italian                                                                                                                                                                                        -i want to work for L'Oreal Cosmetics when I graduate from grad school
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
-his smile
-his butt
-his legs

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
-have to admit...watching reality TV
-working out
-hanging out with friends

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
-eat a lot of food (ate something bad this weekend so its only soup and crakers)
-Have sex
-have all the money to do what i want

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
-Actor
-CEO
-Bartender

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
-Europe
-New York City
-Toronto

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
-Austin
-Lilly
-Adam

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
-live on my own
-contribute to a great cause
-have a job that I love doing

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A FEMALE:
-i have crushes on guys all the time
-i like girly movies
-grooming is very important

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A MALE:
-i'm horny 24/7
-i hate doing housework
-i like fast cars

Is There Life Out There?

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 15:49:20 GMT

So last night I spent the entire evening with one of my very best friends. He is going through a lot of things right now and just needed a friend to listen and give him great words of advice. He is just about to graduate from grad school and will be obtaining his MBA. He is a very smart and good looking guy. He has been with his boyfriend for about 5 years. Mind you, he is 25 and is boy friend is in his late 30's. So if you do the math, he was 20 when he met his boyfriend. That leaves him not much experience under his belt. He really loves his boyfriend but I think he is at a point where he loves him but he isn't in love with him.

His dilemma is he has always wanted to move after graduation and experience life outside of Arizona. He is torn between this relationship and following his dreams and goals. His boyfriend will not move because he has his own successful business and all of his friends and family are here.

So my question to all my live journal friends is this...."Would you give up a relationship to follow what you have always wanted to do? How much do you give up and compromise in order to make others happy and to try and make yourself happy?"

I told him that he might regret his decision either way in the future but sometimes those are risks you must take in life. He is only 25 and has so much life left to live, his boyfriend has lived a lot of his life and experiences so it is hard for his boyfriend to understand why he wants to go and experience life.

It is kind of like that Reba song...."Is There Life Out There?"

Is there life out there
So much she hasn't done
Is there life beyond her family and her home
She's done what she should, but should she do what she dares?

Freakin' Hot

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 17:01:16 GMT

Well today will be 30-plus days of over 100 degree temperatures here in Tucson. I cannot remember it ever being this hot. And the monsoons are not even starting yet which makes it worse. I guess it could be a 100 degrees with a 100% humidity but it still is freakin' hot when it reaches 100 degrees and more. Every year I tread the summer because it seems like whatever you do, you cannot ever get cool. Oh well...only by this time 3 months from now the weather will be amazing.

Oh by the way....I have a new icon. I bought a new digital camera and thought I needed to get a new icon up. I took some more pictures but I don't think they are suitable for this journal just yet.

So I went out this weekend with a bunch of my old fraternity brothers that were in town. One of my pledge brothers was getting married and it was like old times. It was awesome because there were 4 of us in his wedding and about 10 showed up at the ceremony and reception. It was like a reunion for most of us because we hadn't seen each other since most of us graduated 2 years ago. It is amazing how time goes by. The thing that always amazes me is with true friends, you can always pick up where you left off and it feels like you never separated. That is why I love my boys, and we will always be those obnoxious fraternity guys drinking in the corner.

I went to target this weekend to buy some workout gloves, they didn't have my size so I instead, spent $50 on Cd's. I bought 3 cd's but wanted to get 4. I rarely find cd's that I enjoy listening all the way through. I highly recommend the new "Lifehouse" CD, "Switchfoot" and "Dave Matthews Band" The other one I wanted to get was Rob Thomas but I was a little hesitant on buying it. Has anyone listened to it? And if so, is it worth buying?

Now its Harry Potter

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 16:50:18 GMT

I was talking with a co-worker at work this morning and she told me the most ridiculous news I have heard in a long time....ok, maybe thats a little over the top but I really did think that this is ridiculous.

I got all this information from AOL news online....it says that the Pope is now expressing his concern over the up-coming release of the new Harry Potter Book.

"It is good that you enlighten people about Harry Potter, because these are subtle seductions which act unnoticed and by this deeply disort Christianity in the soul, before it can grow properly," (Taken from AOL News)

Of course the Vatican was not able to comment because the Pope is on vacation in the Alps. I guess trying to run one of the world's biggest oraganization (oopps I mean religions) is taking its toll on the new Pope and he had to go on a much needed vacation. I think that there are more important things that the Catholic Church needs to focus on....hello...how about all the priests out there that are and have molested all those children. I guess everyone has their cause and it looks like warning people against Harry Potter is the new pope's mission. I am glad he is taking a stand against the evilness of make-believe.

"Independence Day"

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 16:22:58 GMT

This is yet another rant and rave about what I think and nothing else. If someone else has written something similar, I appologize in advance to anyone who finds it annoying. Note: If you do not want to read someone's opinions, please stop here. Thank you!

Ever since I can remember, the 4th of July has been one of my most favorite holidays. I am not sure why. My family always celebrated it in the traditional way. It was always a BBQ with hot dogs, hamburgers, apple pie, and patriotic music. One of my grandfathers moved to the United States from Sweden at when he was 10 years old and always told my father how important it was to stand by your country and that the United States was a special place where anything you wanted could happen. My other grandfather was the same way. His parents were from Spain and the same "for god and country" values were given to him which were passed onto my mother and passed onto me. But this year was really different for me. My friends and I decided to have a BBQ and pool party to celebrate the holiday, but I kept thinking...why are we really celebrating this day?

Finally I was able to use the information I received from my history degree, (weird degree choice I know but I am a history buff) and the logical answer to my question was because it was the date in which our country "found" its freedom. I am all for celebrating that because if certain early Americans would have never let their voices be heard, then who knows what this country would be like now. But almost 229 years later, some people still do not have "freedom" like others. I don't want to make this into another pro-gay marriage entry because I know people are tired of it. So all I am going to say if that I feel like my country is turning its back on who I am. I am a gay American. A lot of my friends have started saying, "Why don't we move to Canada", but I don't want to move to Canada. I love the United States. But I don't love the direction in which we are going and have been going. If it keeps on going, and deep inside I know it won't end soon, then Canada might be an option.

So what I am trying to say is that I hope in the near future, all gay Americans will be able to celebrate Independence Day with all the pride that it was meant for. And maybe we will be able to celebrate an Independence Day of our own...the day when we are treated just like every other person in this country and not judged by the people we choose to love buy by the great (fabulous) human beings we are!

*On a side note....its great to celebrate the day after the 4th with absolutely mind blowing sex! Now that is what Independence is all about....HAHA!!!*

Hot Celebs

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 19:02:59 GMT

Tagged by papadia1

List 10 celebrities you find attractive...

1. Jake Gylenhaal

2. Jesse Metcalfe

3. Collin Farell

4. Eric Bana

5. Clive Owen

6. Matthew Fox (guy from Lost)

7. Even though I think he is a big girl...Ryan Seacrest

8. Heath Ledger

9. Seann William Scott

10. Orlando Bloom

Soundtrack of Life

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 22:36:57 GMT

Make a soundtrack for your life, matching songs with the following (Below are my answers):

Opening song: "The Glamorous Life" Sheila E.

Waking up: "You Are the Sun" Lionel Richie

First date: "Party for Two" Shania Twain

First kiss: "Addicted" Simple Plan

Falling in love: "You Found Me" Kelly Clarkson

Heartbreak: "Best Deceptions" Dashboard Confessional

Driving fast: "Steve McQueen" Sheryl Crow

Getting ready to go out: "Sexual" Amber

Partying with friends: "No More Drama" Mary J. Blige

Dancing at a club: "Good Luck" Basement Jaxx

Flirting: "Dont' Cha" Pussycat Dolls

Feeling sexy: "Secret (Take You Home)" Kylie Minogue

Walking alone in the rain: "Come Away With Me" Norah Jones

Missing someone: "Where've You Been" Kathy Mattea

Playing in the ocean: "When the Sun Goes Down" Kenny Chesney

Summer vacation: "Hey Mickey" Bewitched

Fighting with someone: "Because of You" Kelly Clarkson

Acting goofy with friends: "Holla Back Girl" Gwen Steffani

Thinking back: "I Go Back" Kenny Chesney

Feeling depressed: "Goodbye To You" Michelle Branch

Christmas time: "White Christmas" by The Drifters

Falling asleep: "I Will Love You" Marie Fisher

Closing song: "The Way You Look Tonight" Tony Bennett

Top 5

Mon, 06 Jun 2005 18:26:10 GMT

Tagged by kozmickris

Follow the instructions k thx...
List five songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artist and the song in your blog along with your five songs. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.

1. Beautiful Disaster (live version)- Kelly Clarkson

2. Good Luck- Basement Jaxx

3. Lights Out- Lisa Marie Presley

4. Baby Girl- Sugar Land

5. Beverly Hills- Weezer

Ok I am just going to pick 5 random people....you don't have to do it if you don't want to and don't get mad at me if I pick you!

Cheers and Love!!!

fernanb

almosthuman

nakednerd

djcala

luckycharms3

Kelly Clarkson Dream and Other Thoughts and Pics

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 16:53:11 GMT

WARNING....This post contains pictures so if you don't feel like looking at them Stop here!

I had the strangest dream last night. Its not everyday that I dream and can remember every detail of the dream. And for the most part, when I wake up during the dream, I cannot return to it once I fall back asleep. This time was a rare exception. The dream started off in some kind of concert venue. It looked like some place I had been before but I wasn't sure where it was. I was sitting on stage, to the left waiting for someone to walk onto stage. I have to admit, in my dream, I was wearing some pretty awesome clothes. That night I was wearing some 7 for Mankind Jeans and an Armani Jacket. Then all of a sudden, the lights went dim and the concert was starting....who walked on stage, none other than Miss American Idol Season 1 Kelly Clarkson!

Right before she walked on stage, she came up behind me, hugged me hard and told me to pray for her. I couldn't figure out whether or not I was her agent, stylist, groupie, or even maybe her boyfriend. After the concert, we were in her dressing room and that was when I realized that I was in fact her boyfriend in this dream. I was sitting on the couch and she had her head on my shoulder telling me how much it meant to her that I flew in from Europe to see her concert tour start. Now, I have never been to Europe and all of a sudden in my dream I am living there. To make a long story short, I kept flash backing to when she was before American Idol, during the American Idol season 1 and after she had won. It seems like maybe I had been a life long friend that somehow turned into a boyfriend. It was kind of like the show Lost...how they flashback to a certain chararacter's life before they were trapped on the island. I absolutely adore Kelly Clarkson but I thought it was weird that I dreams about her so vividly and that in this dream I was her boyfriend. I mean I could see if I was her dresser, make-up artist or something like that, but her boyfriend. Not to say I would not mind being her boyfriend but I have never had dreams where I was a boyfriend to a girl. Always a first for everything.

I also wanted to post some pictures for

im_justaguy since he could not seem to find them in my journal. Please for all those who have seen these and don't want to see them again, this might be time for you to stop reading. I am really not in the mood for people to tell me not to post pictures anymore...this is my blog and I will do what I want SO THERE!!!!!

Getting ready for Work hehehe

3 months after starting my working out and diet

New Years Eve 2004...24th birthday

Puerto Vallarta 2005

Queer Eye

Fri, 27 May 2005 16:37:24 GMT

To make a long story short, Tim wasn't the person that I thought or hoped he would be. It sucks when your first love is your first heartbreak and your first real sexual partner. You always think that you were never good enough or that something was wrong with you. He called me one night and said the dreadful "we need to talk" speech. I have written about this before but he basically said that he was joining the military and that he didn't want to make me wait for him. Of course at the time I told him that I would wait for him forever (which seems like a corny and stupid thing to say) but he told me that I was young and should experience things. Later I found out that he was seeing someone else when he was with me and that he wasn't joining the military, that he would be moving to San Diego with this other guy. I guess he and this other guy were dating before he met me and I was just a rebound for Tim. When you suffer your first heartbreak you need friends around you like never before. Since I had no one that really knew I was gay it was hard for me. I was really distant and everyone started to notice. By this time I was ready to break if I didn't tell someone...this was the time I decided to tell my fraternity I was gay. This would either make us all closer or doom my chances of ever being an active member.

It all happened one night....I saw Tim with his new boyfriend and I told my fraternity I was gay. I was at the student union movie theater with my friend Kate when I saw Tim and Bruce 4 rows in front of me. I had never seen Bruce before and when I saw him and Tim together it felt like my world came crashing down on me. Tim was still calling me and telling me how much he loved me and wished we could be together. So I still had hope that we would eventually get back together. But the bastard was playing with my heart and I didn't know how to stop caring for him. Well that night I headed back to the fraternity house and as I was walking there I just couldn't stop crying. Why did I feel this way? How could someone make a fool out of me? Why did I have to be in a society that didn't accept gay people? Why couldn't I be straight and be like everyone else? I walked into the house and right away ran into my big brother Tom. He could tell that something was the matter and I told him that I needed to talk to him.

I gathered up as many people as I could and gathered up enough courage to finally tell them the truth. I remember being so scared because I wasn't certain what was going to happen. So when everyone came in and wanted to know what was going on...I just started talking...

"This is hard for me to do but I need to tell you all," I said, "I'm gay!"

The room got quiet and that awkward silence filled the air.

"I understand if this is something that hurts my chances of becoming an active member but I no longer wanted to lie to myself and lie to the people that I have become so close with."

"So please tell me if you no longer want me around and if it will be easier everyone,"

Finally, Mike, our president stood up and said... "Dude, it doesn't matter if you are gay," he said, "and if anyone has a problem with it, then lets work through it now."

I was so surprised that he said that. I always thought Mike was as conservative as they came. With that statement, almost everyone said that it didn't matter. Of course I got stupid questions about whether or not I was checking people out when I was in the shower or bathroom....of course I was staring at the hot guys but I didn't let them know. At that moment, I told myself that I would not ever look at these guys as "HOT" guys but as real life brothers. They welcomed me into their lives and it was the best moment I had to that point. The last statment made came from Heinbaugh, a big guy that lived in the South before coming to Arizona. He was bigger than life and he always scared me. Throughout the entire "talk" he was sitting the corner not sayng a word. Until he said the thing that I thought I would never hear...

"If anyone messes with you or hurts you in anyway, they will have to answer to 25 angry guys," Heibbaugh said in his rough and tough voice. "They mess with you, then they mess with all of us."

At that point I knew that joining this fraternity was the best decision I had ever made. To anyone who thinks that fraternity guys will not accept anyone who is gay..think again. There will always be that one person who does not accept you for who or what you are, that will be the case in any situation, but these guys made my life a little easier that night and for that I will always thank them.

Queer Eye

Mon, 23 May 2005 15:54:05 GMT

How many of you remember the first time that you fell in love? I mean real love? Does it really happen that often? When it happens, you always tend to turn into someone else that you can't even recognize, because you are so into the other person that you don't care what you do or what happens. Well despite all the fun times and agonizing over Luke, I decided that nothing was ever going to happen between the both of us and decided to let Jake set me up on a blind date.

It is so hard to lie to a group of people and try to keep the story straight. I told the guys in my fraternity that I was going to a birthday party and couldn't hang out that night. Like I could ever tell them I was going on a blind date with a guy. As much as I wanted to tell all of them that I was gay, I didn't think it was the right time and I always said that timing is everything. Jake had given Tim (my blind date), my phone number and after talking a few times on the phone, we agreed to meet at a restaurant named Geronimo's near campus. I was waiting outside in a black Polo shirt and jeans, so nervous that I didn't even notice Tim walk up to me.

"Hey, I thought I would recognize you," Tim said.

"Well I am glad that you did," I said, "Wasn't sure if you would show up. Blind dates are kind of weird sometimes."

We walked inside and sat down. Those first few minutes of any kind of date are awkward and weird. So I decided that I would break the ice and I started talking about school and work. He told me that he was in the Army ROTC, which sparked my curiosity because who isn't a sucker for a man in uniform. He had planned on going into the Army after he graduated because that is what his family wanted him to do. As he talked, I couldn't help but rate him in my mind. He wasn't the most beautiful guy on the planet. He was boyishly cute. He had the most amazing blue eyes, which caught my attention first. He was definetly cute and he had the attitude and charisma that made him even more desirable. I went on talking about my activities and told him that I was currently pledging a fraternity.

The night was going so well that we didn't realize that we had been sitting down for 2 hours just talking and laughing. We decided to get out and walk around campus for a while. He was an RA at one of the dorms on campus so we decided to walk in that direction. At one point, Tim decided to graze my hand and he grabbed it and held it in his hand for a while. My heart skipped a beat at that point. I didn't know what to do. He looked over at me and all I could do was smile and he knew that things were good. We got back to his dorm and decided that it was time to end the night. As much as I wanted him to invite me into his room I knew that I didn't want to rush things. So we hugged and decided to talk to each other later. As I was walking to my car, I wondered how long it would be until I talked to Tim again. It was such a great evening and I hoped he enjoyed himself as well.

I didn't have to wait too long, because not 10 mins later, I looked down at my phone and it was Tim calling.

"Hey I had a great time tonight," He said. "You are cute and it seemed like we just got along so well."

"I had a great time too," I said. "We will have to do it again sometime!"

"Yeah, how about tomorrow night?" He asked.

"Of course, I don't think I have any plans."

So we set another date, and that date went well. So well that we ended up back in his dorm kissing for 2 hours on his couch. Nothing like skipping dinner to have a makeout session. My young heart was falling for Tim. And it was nothing like the feelings I had for Luke. I honestly felt that Tim had the same feelings for me as well. Too bad it was almost the end of the semester and he would have to go back home for Christmas break.